Money, money, money

Urghhh money! The thing I hate most! The thing that causes the most stress and arguments!

Me and my partner live separately but are both struggling financially, him more than me. So we thought look at moving in together and we would actually be worse off!!

I work part time and my partner works 60-90 hours a week. How is this ok?

The world should be ashamed of itself allowing people to live in these circumstances and worse. I struggle to understand how someone who has a degree struggles to get a full time job and why someone working every hour possible can’t afford to eat.

Even more confusing that living together would result in even more financial difficulty/impossibility.

Sorry I’m just ranting. Yes I am fully aware of support, benefits and grants available but even that would not help the situation.

Fyi if anyone (UK) wants to check if they are receiving the correct amount of money check out turn2us.co.uk, they can also help you search for grants. Also please seek help from your local Citizens advice and/or debt advice from organisations like Stepchange.

Hormones

Anyone else ever just sit and cry?! No idea why, I just feel so sad. Well I say sad but in all honesty I dont feel much. I learnt a long time ago that i cant cope with emotions. I know this isn’t down to pcos but I dont think it helps.

In the last few years I’ve lost everyone I was close to through bereavement and the people who remain I have shut off from. The actual pain (physical and emotional) that you feel is indescribable and I can”t face going through that again so instead I shut myself down.

It’s kinda hard to maintain relationships though, especially with kids. Of course I love my child but even with him I feel as though I shut off sometimes. Anyone with a child with special needs or any child infact will know that kids can say some horrible stuff like they hate you. Deep down you know it’s not true but you take it to heart. We all need to focus on the positives rather than the negatives, what we have rather than what we don’t have but it’s easier said than done.

Fertility especially is a hard one for me to accept. I already have a child that I should enjoy. I do enjoy (nearly) every second I have with him but I focus more on the fact that after 10 years I still havn’t had another. Although I have finally been referred to gynecology and an endocrinologist so this may help.

I think another issue is that my life just isn’t what I planned. In some ways it’s better but in others it’s just totally different. Being someone who likes to plan and organise this just isn’t working. I have no control on my own life! So all the issues combined with raging hormones and mood swings makes me an absolute psychopath!

So that’s my thoughts for today, nothing life changing but I’m sure they’ll be others going through similar situations who can relate and know that they’re not alone xx

Ok so every day was a little ambitious for me. I have had a lot on- not particularly busy just mentally draining. So what’s been happening the last few weeks.

Exercise referral- has now finished, I lost a whole 1lbs 🎉 better than nothing I guess.

Period – was 2 weeks late. I actually started to think maybe this month. But apparently it wasn’t to be.

Body- has packed up on me. I’m always tired. I always have some sort of pain. Doctors booked for tomorrow. I seem to have swelled, that’s what I’m going with anyway considering I’m supposed to have lost weight I feel fatter than ever.

Mood- is bad. Not just my split personality/mood swings but my general mental health. It’s all getting on top of me and I’ve really been struggling. I even had to just pack up and leave the other week. 4 days I was gone and although I missed my son and the dogs I could definitely do with more time away. I would recommend it to anyone (if you’re able to, I know some can’t).

I think that’s the main points covered I’ll discuss in more detail in the week! I know it’s hard and we all struggle but I just wanted to remind people help is there, you just need to work up the courage/motivation to go the doctors or call a charity.

Exercise 😒

Just completed my 2nd time on the exercise referral scheme and I was amazed that this time I lost a whole 1lb 😂😭. How annoying!

I go swimming 1-2 times a week. Go to the gym 1-2 times a week. Go mountain walking once a week and walk at least 3 miles a day. I also have the occasional game of tennis. In summer holidays etc we’re out the house all day everyday and the weight still wont shift!

Dont get me wrong I’m far from fit, currently 10 stone overweight with a BMI of 43 😱 every time I speak to my gym instructor he just says increase your exercise. Well last time I done that I put on 9lbs! The same as in the summer, with all the extra exercise I can put on upto 2 stone, when I cut down again it drops back off. So strange! Anyone else have this issue?

I’ve seen a few vids saying that if you have pcos less is more but how true are they? What can you really believe online anyway 😂 if anyone has any tips for dropping some weight please let me know.

I wish I could be one of those people who claims to have all the answers to your pcos questions and offers all these solutions but it’s not gonna happy. Sorry

Ups and downs

Had a busy day today. Let’s start with the down and it’s a big one…..negative pregnancy test.

My periods are irregular but they generally come every 70 days so when it doesn’t there’s that little bit of hope. Like in my head its nope, your just gonna have a missed one but somewhere there in the back of your mind theres someone saying this is your month. So you do a test, still a little bit excited. It goes straight over the positive line to the negative line and you feel like you’ve been hit by a car 😟 You stare at it for the next few minutes hoping something will just magically appear. Hell, you even go back to it for the next few hours just to be certain. If you’ve spent years trying it’s just awful. I honestly think this is why so many people with pcos have mental health issues – theres only so many times you can get back in that horse. Maybe I should tell my boyfriend about these tests, maybe it would help to talk about it? He is understanding but I feel like he’d just skim over the matter and not take it seriously and that would just frustrate me more.

Anyone got any coping strategies?

So onto the good news. We had a bank appointment and they said we would be able to get a mortgage. It’s not something that I’d really considered before as I thought we didn’t earn enough for it but they said yes 😁 we still have to save for a deposit which will take a few years but at least its something to look forward to 🥳

Day 2

Well, where to start? Let me tell you abit about me.

So I’m 28 with a 9 year old who has learning difficulties (sensory processing disorder, developmental coordination disorder and suspected ASD) amongst some other issues. I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety throughout my life, it started in my teenage years brought on by childhood trauma.My teenage years were pretty dark and I relied heavily on drink and drugs. By 17 I was coming out of it and shortly after got pregnant.

Since having my child I went back to college and eventually university and finished with a 2.1 so my life was on the up…or so you would think.

I jumped from job to job going back into the care sector, after a few months I got job working in housing and absolutely loved it until my boss went and I got a new one. The new one was awful and blamed everyone else for her shortfalls. It was that stressful that i ended up leaving and bounced around a few jobs until i found one that i enjoyed. My new job is only 2 days a week but that is enough for me.

If you have pcos you might experience this too- I’m always tired, whatever I do totally drains me. Dont get me wrong its possibly another issue too but it’s hard work. Anyway, back to the life story.

Throughout this time I’ve had the same partner, 11 years! It hasnt been easy and we’ve split up a few times but been solid for the last 7 years. To be honest I’m surprised we’ve managed it as my mood swings are terrible and combined with the depression I can be the most awful human being going. Having said that we’re in a good place now.

Not long after I had my son I had a coil fitted for about a year but that was the only protection we used. I always wanted more kids, a house full would be good 😂 but my partner wasn’t too keen (btw he knew we wernt using any contraception for years) but we never got pregnant.

About 3 years ago now, he decided that he actually did want more kids and we’ve been actively trying…still no baby, no pregnancy. The doctors won’t do much as I need to loose weight, ha like that’s ever going to happen. They have put me on exercise referral programmes but I have lost 0lbs 😒

The whole situation is really getting me down especially when nearly every day someone you know announces they are pregnant with their 5th child. I’m happy for them but it’s so frustrating when your body is working against you.

Anyway, that’s pretty much a life summary. I’ll go more in depth and talk about the day to day issues but I just thought it would help to give abit of background info.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Well its day number 1…so welcome to the mad house. I wanted somewhere to write down all the issues in life. Some are pcos related (which suck) and the rest are just general issues that I’m dealing with. Hopefully by keeping a diary it will help others aswell as me.

Enjoy the show guys and please leave comments 😀