Anyone else ever just sit and cry?! No idea why, I just feel so sad. Well I say sad but in all honesty I dont feel much. I learnt a long time ago that i cant cope with emotions. I know this isn’t down to pcos but I dont think it helps.

In the last few years I’ve lost everyone I was close to through bereavement and the people who remain I have shut off from. The actual pain (physical and emotional) that you feel is indescribable and I can”t face going through that again so instead I shut myself down.

It’s kinda hard to maintain relationships though, especially with kids. Of course I love my child but even with him I feel as though I shut off sometimes. Anyone with a child with special needs or any child infact will know that kids can say some horrible stuff like they hate you. Deep down you know it’s not true but you take it to heart. We all need to focus on the positives rather than the negatives, what we have rather than what we don’t have but it’s easier said than done.

Fertility especially is a hard one for me to accept. I already have a child that I should enjoy. I do enjoy (nearly) every second I have with him but I focus more on the fact that after 10 years I still havn’t had another. Although I have finally been referred to gynecology and an endocrinologist so this may help.

I think another issue is that my life just isn’t what I planned. In some ways it’s better but in others it’s just totally different. Being someone who likes to plan and organise this just isn’t working. I have no control on my own life! So all the issues combined with raging hormones and mood swings makes me an absolute psychopath!

So that’s my thoughts for today, nothing life changing but I’m sure they’ll be others going through similar situations who can relate and know that they’re not alone xx

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